Shades of Reflection


    Old Ramblings

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    Tula

    Posts : 463
    Join date : 2012-03-02

    Old Ramblings

    Post  Tula on Thu Mar 20, 2014 1:21 am

    An old rambeling
    Journal Entry | 4 Comments · 3 Love It | about 1 year ago

    Once repulsive, now a token of trust.
    Repulsiveness, disgust, so non sexual, yet..
    Now turned into a gift..
    Mutual trust.. Mutual safety.

    The warmth spread, the thoughts flew
    But I knew by the sounds, the look,
    As you leaned against me.. after..
    That the question did not matter.

    “Do you like it?”
    I waved my hand to motion it was not a like or dislike
    But that was not important at all..
    It got lost in the mere knowledge…
    Of what it meant.

    Did it turn me on? No…
    Did it mean the world to me in a way?
    Yes..

    BDSM is not always about turn on’s..
    Not always about sex..
    Not always about pain and pleasure or combinations of them..
    Sometimes… it teaches us the basic profound things of life..
    How differences doesn’t matter..
    How sacrifices, how compromises can be made..
    How something can go from being repulsive, to making you smile…

    Ironically the best gift I have ever got, is two gifts at the same day,
    at the same moment more or less…
    Gifts that I normally would have rewarded by a closed hard fist
    Sent against a face…

    Instead.. rewarded with an embrace..
    Taken as an intimate gift of trust..
    Taken as a token of appreciation..
    Taken as a reward, a proof of that someone
    Was ready to give as much as I had given..

    Trust goes two ways in this world we live in..
    Safety goes two ways in this world we live in.

    Never forget that it is not just the sub, the bottom, the pain slut, the pet..
    That needs safety, that needs that loyalty, that trust..
    But your dominant, your top, your sadist, your master, your owner , your daddy, whatever the definition… They need trust and safety too..

    And most of all they need to have their needs met, just like you need yours met..
    There is no one way street, its not just giving or taking, its both..
    Safety and trust combined is not weakness.. its not a breach in a power exchange.. its life..
    It’s a bond.. it’s a two way street. And the greatest gift I have been given… as a sub, as a bottom, as a slave, as whatever I can be defined by, depending on the eye who sees… Is the acknowledgement of my other part, trusting me, feeling safe enough with me, to go to the edge, to risk the loss, by words, by actions… doing something assumed to create disgust.. something that instead made me feel more proud, cherished and happy.. than I ever thought something like that could…

    Tula

    Posts : 463
    Join date : 2012-03-02

    Re: Old Ramblings

    Post  Tula on Thu Mar 20, 2014 1:22 am

    His....


    Bound and gagged, his fantasy..
    her reality.
    The dungeon is isolated
    she is to be its resident

    The appearance that she is bound by constraints is misleading...
    she is bound to him by the slightest touch...
    softly spoken words...she is his

    she craves his mark
    she gifted Him

    He is sated
    now, that closeness, that O/one shared..

    she is poised...
    she is ready...

    He will use her tonight...
    maybe, He'll come...
    maybe, He'll call...
    maybe, He remembers...

    her service, imperfect...
    she, reflects in her bed...
    the hour approaches....
    maybe, today He will come...
    her wait, endless...
    His pleasure to come...
    her, in cuffs...
    He accepts her submission...

    the cane...?
    the cat...?
    the crop...?
    her bliss....
    legs, open...
    breast, presented...
    she offers all, to Him....
    prays, to serve...
    bound, pulled high...
    she waits to be used....
    her service, sublime...

    He is proud...
    she prostrates...
    He's taught her well...
    used, hard...
    she is allowed, rest...
    the dungeon floor, her bed...
    apprehensive....
    shy....
    His patience, brings her on...
    proudly, she wears His marks...
    her body, claimed by Him....
    her pride, pleases B/both...

    the pain, focused upon her...
    the pleasure, shared...
    the ecstasy, when pain and pleasure become one...

    He binds her....
    to Him....
    for His pleasure...
    taking possession...
    her first lesson...
    she is His....
    she awaits His use...

    anticipating, her position of service...
    His expectations, clear...
    breathless, the beauty...
    worthy of His taking...
    her fate, long sealed...
    her use, His pleasure...
    blind, she sees...
    trust, she accepts....
    the chain reminds...
    her choice was made...

    she sleeps...
    open, ready as she must..
    aloof, she distains...
    His lessons will be harsh...
    chains, draped around her...
    these, too, will bind her to Him...

    begun with a touch...
    the dance, truly begun...
    dressed in her pretties...
    shouting His possession...
    her dress, simple...
    His reasons, complex...
    they touch...
    tentative, unsure...
    she, bound and open...

    He drawing her into His web...
    His hands taste...
    languied, she craves touch...
    His touch, explores...
    rigid, she remains open....

    she is shy...
    but, she is here...

    she, left to contemplate...
    His wishes...

    she fears His summons...
    she dreads He won't...

    presenting, she glows...
    His admiration, fires her....

    she, cuffed...
    feels her submission...
    His gentle touch....
    her submission...
    she despairs...
    will He summon...

    she craves...
    on His whim...

    her form, perfect...
    her Heaven, His command...
    open, questioning...
    patient, she waits...

    her solitude...

    His command...

    His impatience...

    her joy...

    He wills....
    she is His pleasure..

    His will..
    her duty...
    poised, she hesitates...
    His patience, endless...
    for the prize, priceless...
    she, open to Him....
    sweet sensations from her touch...
    envelopment...

    His gasp, held...
    she hungers...
    the taste, sublime....
    poised before Him...

    seconds, become hours...
    tempted...
    He rises to the occasion....
    breathless, He anticipates...
    she, tantalizes...
    her breath, the lightest of caresses....
    her beauty, breath taking...

    her service, sublime...
    her Master will be proud....
    her service, divine...
    her Master will approve....

    the lightest of kisses....
    eros unfolds...
    larger than life...
    the lightest of touches.
    the sweetness of anticipation...

    she's becoming His....
    or, she's captured Him...

    their bliss is near palpable...
    Watching, waiting, wanting......

    Tula

    Posts : 463
    Join date : 2012-03-02

    Re: Old Ramblings

    Post  Tula on Thu Mar 20, 2014 1:24 am

    The Power of Submission


    The power of submission
    Does not lay in the ability
    To kneel before another…

    The power of submission
    Does not lay in the ability
    To give over one’s body.

    The power of submission
    Does not lay in the wearing..
    Of a collar.

    Risking everything, to gain everything,
    Without hesitation, knowing..
    It will only take a single word,
    To have everything wrecked to pieces.

    The true power of submission
    Can only be found in the heart.
    Of one who gives her love to another freely
    Knowing what joy and pain
    Will come from it.

    Tula

    Posts : 463
    Join date : 2012-03-02

    Re: Old Ramblings

    Post  Tula on Thu Mar 20, 2014 1:25 am

    The Collar.


    When the time is right I will know.. As I know that I can never give myself away to someone just like that, because of the symbolism a collar stands for to me.
    In my eyes wearing a collar given by your play mate, your dominant, your top is not something that should (in my eyes) happen unless it is for a more permanent symbolism.

    I have never let a dominant buy a collar and place –that- collar around my neck. I have allowed however the dominant to use my own collar, bought by me, to place around my neck.

    As… To me.. The collar is important. It’s me.. giving myself away entirely. Giving the other person my full trust, my full devotion, loyalty, everything.
    And how will I know when the time is right? First and foremost.. its quite simple and yet so hard.

    A few times in your life you may run into someone who makes you fall flat down. Imagine that you walk into a room with a hundred or thousand women or men… depending on what you prefer and within that room without even looking, maybe without even hearing the persons voice.. There would be only one among the thousand or hundred (or maybe none) that would make you feel overwhelmed in every way. Like your entire life pauses up, your pulse raises, your heart pounds and you just.. I don’t know… it’s like a snap of your fingers and you can basically feel where ever the person is… Without turning around.

    I do not like to play with people in the bdsm kind of way or other ways unless there is something more to it. However.. When such a person walks by, which is so rare.. How can one possibly… walk away?

    I know I could not.. And no matter what happens, not taking the chances that might come is more scary and frightening, than taking that one leap.

    Not long ago, I took that leap.. With someone I couldn’t get out of my head, someone who hit me like a train at full speed… I got shy, I didn’t know what to say, the same feeling as some days before and multiplied at the second time I met the person. I felt so lost, yet it was so right. I could not even have the person sitting next to me.. I had to move... Right now I am sitting at home missing someone that for two days made me take a rollercoaster ride of emotions, made me break so many rules in such a short time and then also moved some of my boundaries, but without it being a problem.. It was right.. I put every single defense down. I didn’t hide a single thing.. And I didn’t even care if I didn’t know him at all. Because, it didn’t matter. It usually takes ages for me to trust people entirely. But.. I did. And I don’t regret it at all. Even if I am sitting here now insecure, so sure of what I want, with no idea of what the next day holds, where my life is in a month or two… Even if that is worrying, it doesn’t matter. I know now that I can find that… It’s not lost, it’s still possible and even if it takes five or six years until the next time if there is any.. It’s alright..

    Because I don’t have a single regret. If I get crushed into bits and pieces it have been worth it.. As I gave all I could give, without giving myself entirely. Yet, I know even if I did not give myself entirely in the means of physical things, I did still give everything by not running away, by letting all those walls down…
    And this is why… I do not wish to wear a collar, or be collard until I find a person that makes me feel like this…

    A collar to me, is when you are chosen and you also wish to give yourself away entirely. A commitment, nothing half way, but the whole way. Something with a mutual responsibility that is not intended to end any time soon. In a cliché way.. To me a collar symbolizes a new home, not a physical home, but the home where you belong.. The one thing only that needs to be right, the one thing that does matter. And.. that is not happening in a short time. It’s something that should be considered after a while. But.. As I said.. Not until that…

    And if I ever do get that, then I do know that the time waiting for it, has been more than worth it. And that the possible hurt in the meanwhile is worth it.





    Tula

    Posts : 463
    Join date : 2012-03-02

    Re: Old Ramblings

    Post  Tula on Thu Mar 20, 2014 1:26 am

    I am and I want and I wish for..


    *Seduce my mind and you might have my body.
    Touch my soul and I am yours forever.*


    ** Note: I am not looking for a sub. And if you do write to me, try more than one line. And if you dont know what to write.. then read some.. I am one of those people who actually use her homepage and blog, updates it, write things that should tell you basicly most of what you need to know about me.

    But more importantly: Dont ask me about my kinks... And DO write something that tells me more about you.... Not about your kinks.. but YOU. The person behind the screen... 9/10 of you wont even bother reading down to this point of the profile, so to those who do.. Thumbs up!. **

    I am not into random play, I am not into switches, male sub's etc. Not because I don't like them as friends I am just not throwing my submissive side away to purchase a long lost dream of being a 24/7 domina Razz

    And I am looking for something a tad more serious than playing, all serious if I am lucky. If I in the mean time somehow run into someone I would like to play with and its mutual then so be it, but that's not what I am looking for here.

    I am not a doormat just because I am a sub. I got plenty of bone in my nose, I bite hard when I am not treated like I should be, a human being. If you are looking for someone to throw around like a sack of wheat, abuse mentally in the wrong ways or lie too then stop reading.

    Off the job, I expect people to be honest. Not hide things and to communicate openly with me. If you think you would fail on this and wouldnt be up for trying seriously to change that, then you can stop reading.

    I am a very dominant person, who drops my walls and can sacrifice a lot for the right person coming along. But until I do, I remain my own Mistress, my own Master and spamming my inbox with one lined sentences is not going to get you a reply. I know what I want, what I need and I dont settle with less. Arrogant? Maybe. I choose to see it as knowing what I wish for and knowing its possible to get it Smile

    I AM - I WANT AND I WISH FOR:

    Now these words are true. And I have tried now to write what I will do now despite the outcome too many times to count tonight.
    I am a pan-sexual. I do not fall for your body, even if I might find it attractive its not what as will make me 1. Fall for you 2. Want to fuck you 3. Kneel for you. 4. Make you kneel.

    - I rarely fall for women. I may have sex with a woman that I like, but love comes at rare times.
    - I do not like to suddenly have a woman thrown at me, with the expectation that I will be intimate with her.
    - I am quite personal and private even if I can talk to people about anything.
    - The fact I like to play when I want to play doesn’t mean I always will, to be fair its a rare thing, but hey:)
    - I can show you my ass one day to show off my marks and the next I can be shy if someone even mentions it.
    - I am impulsive when given the right moment. Usually I like to take my time before I do something.

    I am a sadist.

    I like to give people pain. I can give any gender and personality gender, CT, TG, anything pain and enjoy it.
    It doesn’t mean I intend to have sex with those I inflict pain on, that depends.
    I am a masochist, I do like pain. The amount varies from-painslut level- to autch that hurt when being pinched level. And this is like a mood it swaps from day to day.

    I am a dominant.

    Yes I can be a dominant, I can dominate a man, but:
    I can’t dominate males who yielps like a puppy dog who is abandoned for a second or pleads. That simply turns all the on switches –off-.
    I usually and preferably dominate women, but I can also be dominated by women.

    And now..

    I am a submissive:

    This one is tricky. I have so many sides of my personality and they tend to conflict with each other a little (I am just one person though Razz Not a lot of people in here:P).

    As a submissive I am looking for a man preferably, a dominant, a sadistical dominant, which doesn’t really matter. But the main important thing here isn’t what he can do, its how he is.

    Sure I could be fought down, sure I could be kept there. But no matter how dominant a person is or strong.. It doesn’t matter shit.
    It’s the psychological personality I need. The guy I can look at and by the look in the eyes I am looking into I know.. I am in trouble.
    In a good way hopefully.

    But I am a strong woman. And I do not like being treated with no respect. If someone is mine or I am his and he wants to “show off” or “punish” me in public, punish me for no good reason at all, it will likely go like this:
    Me getting pissed off. Now that can lead to a verbal cold telling off how stupid you are. It can lead to me simply walking off. Or it could lead to me getting immensely pissed. As I don’t tolerate shit even if I am a sub.

    But I do need someone who understand when I need to not be strong, yet someone who also kicks me in the butt if I have been weak for too long.
    I do want a lot of things I do not think would be wise to do in practice. Some things are better in the mind but..

    I do want someone who can push me over the edge, mentally not just physically. Making me cry due to pushing a too big cock down my throat is not –making me cry-.

    Breaking me down, pushing me over the edge is two things:

    Mentally taking me over the edge.
    Physically breaking me over the edge.
    I do want both, but that takes the right person.
    And I am very loyal, my trust can be easily gained but in this department, not easily gained. And if I pass over my trust -just like that- its for one reason only. .That rare happening of the snap, the look, the.. unexplained intense instantly fall... Right to the floor... Which happens without a single word. Its rare, but its possible.

    Finding someone who can recognize the different ways and moods is hard. Of course it’s not my needs that is to come first all the time. I am most happy actually when I feel needed, when I can for and be there for someone. But one day I might want to be a “little girl”, the next day that thought can be a turn off..
    But.. mostly I want to simply, be someone's something.. What that something is, is another matter... I do do like dirty talk, but like with the little girl, sometimes it just turns me off… I can take a lot of pain, but sometimes I really truly need the person, nothing more, nothing less.

    I can go weeks without being chained up, bound, restrained in any form, punished and so forth, but I do need something. It can be small as a text telling me to be ready when the person comes home.
    Same thing is for other things. I do for example love sucking cocks, giving blow jobs is lovely. I do also like to take it deep down into my throat however… I don’t want that all the time. I do like when it gets pushed further down and don’t mind that hand upon my head. But… the person.. needs to know if it’s a good day for it.

    And this person is almost impossible to find.
    Caring, restricting, compassionate, passionate, lustful, rough, gentle, intelligent, challenging and protective.
    I don’t like people opening the door for me. I don’t like people fighting my battles. But I do like those arms I can crawl into when I am exhausted from the battles.

    As I have tried to say so far is that there is –no- manual with me.
    I can pounce the person as it walks through the door one day and want sex five times a day one week and the next you might find me not being as eager Razz

    I am a woman:

    The woman needs what most women needs. To feel loved, to feel needed, to feel respected and so on. And of course to give the same back.
    I want a monogamous relationship, a future, a kid and all of that.
    But I also want a poly relationship. These are two very different sides of me that I fight with every day. As a part of me wants to go out there, love many people, as I got a lot of love to give, and the other part of me is old fashioned and wants to limit myself to one. And if I ever am to do a poly relationship, then there is one limit.. I want to be a part of the two that forms the rest. If not.. its not for me.

    Both relationship options is equally desired, for different reasons but also equally feared. I am not typically jealous or owner sick, I am however a little territorial and over protective.

    Being a (yes lets go into the entire wolf business right off shall we) alpha female, a bolverk, who can also be dominated is not easy. Being a submissive with more than one person to relate to is not easy. Being in a poly or a mon relationship however is hard. Communication, dead honesty is the key in my eyes to make it work. Cheating is something I do fear and cheating isn’t to me the normal kind of cheating. If you ask me or have my permission to, then its not cheating. Cheating is when you do it behind my back.
    I would likely feel jealous and threatened in a poly relationship all depending on how, who, when…But that is natural.

    For some most of this might seem “ah logical, that’s how it is for everyone.”. Yet.. I somewhat (not to be a mary sue) after quite some years of experience on that department, know that I can be difficult. Mostly with the swapping. One day any rudeness any yelling is just fun. Or not cared for, it goes in one ear out the other. The next day a simple joke might tear me down.
    Unstable? I thought so, but I have papers of my sanity Razz
    Yet I do have some luggage, we all do. The luggage makes it a little hard to trust people. And makes some minor actions cause shit.

    Yet it can all be narrowed down to: I need no matter what I am a person with enough intelligence, care, insight to understand –me-Razz As I can be cold as ice, or warm as fire.. It all depends on how the person sees me or if it does at all.

    So… What will it be.. I don’t know.. I will go where the road leads me. As one can’t set rules for the future, but one can dream and one can have many dreams, that is not the same but entirely different.

    I dream about...

    *I dream about finding myself at a point where I allow myself to dream. A hope of once again be able to break through the ice inside of me, to be able to love someone beyond all reason. One who feels the passion for life, like I do. One who does not mind making snow angels in the middle of the night. One who can stay with me outside at night in the forest gazing up on the stars.

    Some will look upon this as a naïve writing of a young girl with to high dreams, a girl with illusions and wrong thoughts of what reality really is, some might think of this as a cliché.. Others might read it and see it for what it is.. And think… And perhaps even imagine it. I would to, but I would not do it. Whilst others may think it was about time.

    I dream of the day when I can see myself from the outside bursting of laughter, or with a look, a body language showing real happiness, I want to find myself in a condition where I am filled with happiness simply because I feel the suns heat brushing over my body. I dream of one who can see the spring burst to life, one who can feel what I then would feel and share the feeling of watching something that beautiful with me.

    I dream of the day when I can look into someone’s eyes and feel that I am drowning. To feel everything wither and vanish. To feel the feeling of a look who looks right through me. A look that knows, but does not have to ask, but at the same is challenging and filled with love. Arms and a voice giving me the confirmation of that I am safe.

    One who breaths down my neck, one who can go to a museum with me without sighing deeply in the longing to go home, one who can see the adventures life is and enjoy them.

    One who can stand behind me watching the sunset, one who seeks the silence and can enjoy it. One I can give myself to entirely and who give himself entirely back to me. One I can show myself vulnerable to, one I can share everything with. One who makes me feel alive and makes life worth living. One I can dream about, one who makes me proud. One who needs me and one I can be that for and a little more.

    I dream of someone I can walk hand in hand with, while we together explore the world and what it has to offer. But also someone who can handle the daily life with me, and still manage to make everyday something special. Not with gifts or doings, but with words and thoughts. One who knows the value of a smile and takes it for the gift it is.

    I dream about sitting by the fire, feeling the flames and the warmth they give, the heat of the ashes warming me long after the fire is out. I want to sleep under the stars, swim in the moonlight. I dream of feeling the comfort and know I can give the same comfort in return, to feel the strength he gives me and know I give the same in return. The knowledge of it being given and thought by both. The knowledge of us making each other grow..

    Together…

    This is one of my dreams..*

    Tula

    Posts : 463
    Join date : 2012-03-02

    Re: Old Ramblings

    Post  Tula on Thu Mar 20, 2014 1:27 am

    She


    The sound of the birds, the gentle breeze caressing my skin and the voices roaming all over the place should have kept my mind drifting, but no. As if I was meant to notice, I could not help but to look to the side; the car parking, the woman sliding out of it, her lips, wet, swollen, the red lipstick smeared, the ringing soft laughter and the immensely pleased look on her face as she adjusted her dress.

    She was new, there was no doubt about that. The scent of her musky perfume caressed my nostrils with a gentle breeze brushing over me. The long dark hair played with it, toyed with it, just like she seemed too.. Had someone told me at that moment that this seemingly strong woman would later that night make my jaw drop, well then I would have believed them. Had they told me it would drop in shock and not in astonishment.. I doubt I would have given it any thought at all.. For it simply was not the way she was. My eyes followed her, the dress dancing between her thighs as she walked, teasingly almost revealing a view of her behind. A deep profound longing filled me, desire? Yes. But not just that.. It was the bond, between people. That bond you get when someone just… Fits..

    She did not leave my mind during the day and as the night came I saw her talking to the others, her laughter still ringing in my ears, soft, gentle. From time to time I could catch a glimpse of sadness in her eyes, sorrow, insecurity, vulnerability but it never lasted long. Like an orange, her layer was thick.. But she kept me focused, kept my interest from where I was sitting by the water, dipping my toes down into it, head to the side peering towards the fire.

    Music filled the night and the wine was put aside, her hips swayed along with the rhythm played and her voice.. Shivering, deep, enchanting, filled the air, complimenting the swaying of her hips. I was lost… Mesmerized, lost in the feeling her expression brought, taken into a dreamscape so far from my own, so far from reality that when she approached me, dropped her cloths, the sight of the soft fabric sliding down, caressing her skin before it fell to a pile around her ankles, I thought.. I was dreaming… I still thought I was dreaming as her soft lips pressed against mine, the soft finger tips slid my dress down and dragged me into the water, my hands cupped around her full breasts and I could see into the depths of her eyes, no veil hiding the truth.

    I was hers then.. Entirely.. Just as she was mine. One look, was all it took… The memory of the drops of water, slowly falling down her skin, I recall fetching them with my tongue, drinking it off her as if she was essence of life herself, as if she was the one and only thing there ever was and ever had been. Later, the sights filling my eyes, my mind did not at all stir me.. Not even when he lifted her up over his head, holding her by her upper back, under her knees, not even when she screamed out, whimpering to him, for him as she eventually crawled up towards him, begging without a word leaving her lips, a deep plea in her eyes as she knelt in the sand, peering up at him without flinching, skin with a blueish tone, her red lipstick smeared all over her face once more, tears slowly falling down her cheeks, replaced by the drops of water shared.

    It was not until she wrapped her arms around his leg, rested her cheek against it, that he nodded, so faintly I could barely see it, so faintly she could barely notice. The bruises covering her body only added to her beauty.. I was hers, she was mine and she was his. But it did not matter. Not anymore.


    Tula

    Posts : 463
    Join date : 2012-03-02

    Re: Old Ramblings

    Post  Tula on Thu Mar 20, 2014 1:28 am

    As the last tear fall
    do not let me wither in the darkness.
    Let the light shine once more.
    As the twilight caresses me
    As the moon stops and the stars rise,
    and the sun fades through the skies.
    Let it be..

    All lost now, remaining
    Once again
    A last touch
    A last kiss

    A solemn bliss in the loss of hope
    Life remains as nothing but a dim shadow
    A last breath
    As desire fades,
    Let the memories die

    Blissful agony
    United pain and pleasure
    A last embrace
    A last hold around your face

    Let it remain all that once were
    Let that be forgotten
    I dwell only to say goodbye
    To fetch the last tear upon your face
    To feel a last embrace

    As I am yours
    Bleeding for you

    As I am yours
    Dying for you..

    Take the last breath away
    Hold my cold flesh inside your arms
    Kiss the purple lips of death
    Let them stay

    The memories of you and me
    Let the memories of the torture and pain
    Fade as the first sunrise
    Let the memories stay
    As beautiful as every morning

    Release me from this life
    And grant me freedom..
    For ever bound, caressed by the twilight
    Head to my words..

    Release me

    Tula

    Posts : 463
    Join date : 2012-03-02

    Re: Old Ramblings

    Post  Tula on Thu Mar 20, 2014 1:30 am

    The most beautiful thing in life to look at, the beauty that wins over all other beauty is in some way to see birds fly how they spread their wings how they follow the wind and go where they wish

    They are the symbol of freedom and by feeling free, doing what you want what you will you gain a satisfaction.

    Human’s captures, kills birds they put theme in cages, cut their wings that’s how many people also feel this world we live in does to theme. They do so because they don’t feel free them self I prefer to watch the birds fly up there freely embracing the glory of their freedom and the
    beauty... What do you prefer...? I am free...

    God gave humanity a free will it’s said, people just need to see the true meaning of it,
    to be free.

    Love is the law, love under will.

    Tula

    Posts : 463
    Join date : 2012-03-02

    Re: Old Ramblings

    Post  Tula on Thu Mar 20, 2014 1:33 am

    Let my eyes
    Lay upon you
    With an amazing gaze
    But stab me in the heart
    With something beautiful
    So that it does not corrupt.

    Cursed Sky
    Look up towards the cursed sky,
    Dark is the moon as the horizon swallow us
    Leaving us with nothing but a question

    Tula

    Posts : 463
    Join date : 2012-03-02

    Re: Old Ramblings

    Post  Tula on Thu Mar 20, 2014 1:41 am

    The Diary of Felori
    <H1>The story of Rhygel.</H1>

    <Icon,37,C>
    *
    A dim light filled the dark walls, allowing the contours of her body to be seen, placed next to a harp, her fingers gently brushing over the strings filling the night with soft calming luring tones. Slowly her slim figure moves towards an old chair, placed next to a delicately decorated table with a candle placed on the middle, next to a large bottle and half full glass of wine.

    In her lap lays a thick leather book, as she opens it the silvery pages reflects the dim light and her soft alluring voice fills the night as she closes her eyes, reading from the very beginning without gazing down on the pages.
    *
    ”It was like the light it-self descended from the night sky. I could feel the presence of him long before my eyes showed me the true beauty of his half naked body, kneeling by the lake, with the moon flickering over his sweat chest, dancing against his skin like a soft caress of the wind. I had not thought the mere sight of a man could fill me with such thoughts, as he was not the first half naked man I have laid my eyes upon without feeling the intense need to vomit, but there was something about him, the way he stood, the look in his eyes, or the sound of his solemn prayers as he had washed the blood and dirt of his body, that awoken something in me.”
    *
    ”It was as if he could scent me, or felt my presence as I watched him from the shadows, well hidden by the bushes and the shades. For he turned towards me, half of him covered in the shadow the rest lightened up by the moon. He fell to his knees, the howling sound coming from his lips froze me to the spot, but as he rushed forth, he turned, away from me, running through the woods.. There was no choice, I had to follow him, for I knew that within him there was answers, to questions I yet did not have. ”

    She pauses, her breath is deep as she looks out through the window gazing up at the moon and the mountain tops, letting her eyes rest on the midst hovering over the trees.
    *

    ”After four days I thought I had lost him until I had no choice but to seek shelter from the heavy rain inside a local tavern. My breath was lost the moment I entered and saw the flickering flames against the side of his face. His voice speaking gently with a delicate young woman, at first I did not dare to go close enough to listen in but as I spotted a little table discreetly hidden in the dark of a corner I sat down, without ordering anything, careful not to stare at him as I heard him tell the tale of his youth. The feeling of jealousy I had to throw aside, for he was not mine to have.” Her eyes opens as she looks down on the pages with a sad, remorseful look in her eyes. ”If only I had not gone there that night..” she says murmuring as her eyes looks down on the page again turning it gently.
    *
    ” I will try to tell the story of his life so far, the same way he did this night to that delicate innocent little flower of his.. He sat leant against the chair with a mug in his hands, the girl leaning over the table showing as much of her graced body as she could to him, still it did not seem to catch his attention at all as he told his story.. I guess it is only fair to mention that I did not hear the beginning of it..
    - it was not until I found my sisters ring, I knew that despite all Faith I would not be able to save them or find them. It was as if the curse had driven them all mad, they tried to kill me. The family I loved, still loved, was not my family any longer..
    For two years I tried my best to hunt them down, to find them.. Seeking a cure to save them. But to no avail, there was no cure, no hope to be found.. ”
    *
    The girl pouted her lips and touched him, I could have ripped her heart out on the spot.. For it was clear as day as she had no empathy for the man.. But I got rid of her.. Her blood soaked the ground soon enough as the morning rose.

    - I should tell you no more. It is to disgusting for such a innocent girl like you. ”

    ”He stopped then, without satisfying my curiosity the slightest. But as he went to rest that night I went into his room, looked through his things and in a small book I found a map marked, for where he most likely was heading. So I went outside, got some rest and decided to follow him further. The sorrow he expressed when he heard of her death the coming morning made me want to vomit… How he could like a girl like her, I still cannot grasp.”
    *
    Her gaze once more finds the window and the sunrise, surfacing over the trees, with a soft breath she blows out the candle and closes the book, holding it tight against her chest as she walks upstairs and slides down under the sheets.

    The morning rose, as did she, unaware of how or where to find him this time, so close to the city of Stormwind she let her fingertips flow over her flute, sitting in the window with her legs hanging down. Her tunes filled the forest, birds responded to the soft tunes and she leant out peering over the trees as so many times before. ”I will find him again, I will.” She left the soft breeze and warmth of the window, found her chair and took the book back up into her hands.
    *
    ”I lost him again as many a time before. Though this time I found the answer, the answer to all of it, to the half-naked body of his, to the insane speed he must have travelled in. The smell of death guided me this time. His body kneeling over a newly killed animal in the woods. It took me some time to realize it was him. At first he looked like an oversized wolf, but he was not. It had been years and years since I last had seen a worgen who could take on human form. Only the feral worgens spread around in certain woods. It struck me then, that despite the rumors I had heard, despite the books I had read, that he had to be one of a kind.
    *
    Something shimmered in the moonlight, a ring.. A ring around his finger. As he fought hard, coldly, leaving no doubt to the fact that he would not stop until they had all fell.. I did something I should not have. As one of the feral wild worgens, sneaked up on him from behind, my hands acted as if they had a will of their own, light spread through the forest as fire flew from my hands, burning the worgens flesh, preventing him from taking Rhygel out. Rhygel himself turned, shocked at first it seemed but still alert, his eyes searched through the woods and I was sure then for a moment that he had seen me.. But he had not. As I hid in the shadows running for my life away from where he was, seeking cover it hit me… I knew this man.. I knew this boy… ”

    She turned to the next page, her eyes resting on the pages with a sad look in them. The alluring tone in her voice faded, replaced with a tone of sorrow as she started reading again.
    *

    ”It was a late evening in the safety of Gilneas, before the spread of the curse, a small young boy; not more than the age of eleven, shouted his lounges out, called for his mother and father. I had sneaked out like usual, while the maid was in deep sleep. The little boy that I watched through his window, had nearly managed to make the house burn down, that is, it would have if it was not for the swift actions of his parents, brother and sister. His little sister cried and cried without seeming to intend to stop at all and made me leave the safety of the tree outside his window, to get back home.
    For months I kept watching him until the day come that he seemed to be gone..
    So was his mother, father, sister and brother. The first week I simply assumed they were on vacation of some sorts, until one night in the dim moonlight I saw something climbing up towards his room.
    *
    A huge wolf, that shortly after turned into the young boy, who sank down on his knees praying for his life to the Light..

    My parents and family were always trying to uphold the impression that we were flawless in our Faith, without no doubt, but this time as I listened to his intense prayers, speaking of how he had been attacked, how Arugal himself must have sent his soldiers out, to make more worgens to his army, how his family had turned swiftly, seemingly without any control, how he the little boy named Rhygel vowed to hunt them down, to kill them unless he could find a cure.
    *
    He did not return after that night before many years later, wearing a ring.. As I then had done all the research I could on the matter, I knew that a ring was often a symbol of leadership, so I simply assumed that where ever he had gone to hunt… He had succeeded. I could see his back from the tree, this time it was as if he faintly realized he was watched, but simply did not care. The focus was on his old home, the memories. A faint glimpse of his back made me gasp, his eyes turned towards the window and I leapt down from it fleeing for my life. ”
    ”So it was Rhygel, the same little boy who played innocently and naively with chemistry, trying to become the best alchemist in the world that I had been following for this long. Rhygel… Definitely one of a kind. How many nights I had spent growing up thinking about that young boy, he must have been twelve when it happened, and now
    *
    A large, muscular, slim, agile man at the age of thirty five or so if my mind don’t play tricks on me. Rhygel… ”

    ”Two years later, after keeping myself out of sight, following him around, loosing him and finding him again there was not many facts I had learned about him. He still prayed, he still hunted down feral worgens where ever he went. Seeing him pray, so filled with guilt, whipping himself after days of hunting, or should I perhaps call it slaughtering? Was painful even to me. I did learn that he was a man who would use any means to protect himself, considering all the times he had turned around in theblink of an eye charging towards me, making me need to hide or run like the wind.. I should know.
    *
    Seeing him make his potions though, for what I can only assume he made to remain in control, have told me that his skills have grown in more ways than that of will, Faith and combat. But I knew he was not mine to have and considering where he lead me… I know even now he is not. For months I kept guard around the small Abbey in Ewlynn outside of Stormwind, watched his training, watched him grow into a even more faithful man, seemingly stronger as if his life now had more meaning and purpose… When he went out to do something I would follow. My eyes would rest on the Abbey at night, ensuring he was safe, hoping for a small glimpse of him… ”
    With a deep sigh she closed the book, gazing into nothingness. ”I need to train, I must find a safe place to do so..”
    *
    The hand writing in the dark leather book, with silvery pages changes slightly.

    ”The day I went out to train my life changed. I headed into a tower, seemingly abandoned only to hear the sound of music while inside.. That was the day I thought I was dead for sure. Not by the hands of Rhygel but the hands of a powerful man. Instead he took me in, became my Master, my love and my friend. It’s been days now.. Long, exhausting, wonderful days.. I am not just an actual warlock now… I am a worgen too. Made by accident in a lack of control, my Master was most upset with me.. Now that I have regained some of my own control it is time for me to head out again, it has been to long since I visited the Abbey last… I do not know if he is still there or even still alive…”
    *

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    Re: Old Ramblings

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